Tuesday, March 21, 2006

holy hell

there are four hours of my life right now that i am desperately trying to get back...it is not working. I am fighting sleep constantly or i am pacing the floor at the most inappropriate hours...find myself wearing sunglasses at night in my apartment and trying to do anything i can to wear my mind and my body out just so i cant sleep. Hawaii was nice, but it is a strange place...beautiful and temporary. so many people say they could live there forever...i could see myself visiting again, but the confinement is too much - too many good things in one place. saw the world from the top of Dimond Head and screamed as loud as i could...the heavens completely swallowed it up - miss alot of people - found out scott is going to iraq - one brother out of the fray and another into it - very conflicted and aggitated lately, wanting to fight with strangers at the drop of a hat and this makes me feel very uncomfortable in my own skin. trying to shake it and go cold turkey on these feelings - trying to make the best out of this waking life im currently living. Rain is heavier in Hawaii it falls more romantically and with more urgency because it is so unwelcome - walked through it anways. with a head full of drunk i let the pacific wash over me in the early morning hours before the respectable people awoke...i think i remember being baptized now. trying to find that light still - because i need something to awaken me right now - help

1 Comments:

Blogger Nick Van Dyke said...

I know what you're talking about with that confliction and agitation. The emotional rollercoaster I'm currently riding is getting awkward. For no reason at all, I want to punch somebody in the face and then give em a kiss afterward. Maybe it doesn't help that I'm almost constantly drunk anymore.

8:12 AM  

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