Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
somewhere people fly
I find the dim glow from the no smoking sign in front of my beautiful - four in the morning and i can do nothing but stare at it as the world wakes up at 30,000 feet. ryan adams sings in my head as i slowly fall under the spell of this pale light - every thought i have is trying to be heard and the flight attendent informs me that i must stow my insanity under the seat in front of me or she will be forced to engage me in hand to hand combat. calendars and pictures with people kissing in spanish train stations - thats what i want my life to be - that sounds about square.
there are four hours of my life right now that i am desperately trying to get back...it is not working. I am fighting sleep constantly or i am pacing the floor at the most inappropriate hours...find myself wearing sunglasses at night in my apartment and trying to do anything i can to wear my mind and my body out just so i cant sleep. Hawaii was nice, but it is a strange place...beautiful and temporary. so many people say they could live there forever...i could see myself visiting again, but the confinement is too much - too many good things in one place. saw the world from the top of Dimond Head and screamed as loud as i could...the heavens completely swallowed it up - miss alot of people - found out scott is going to iraq - one brother out of the fray and another into it - very conflicted and aggitated lately, wanting to fight with strangers at the drop of a hat and this makes me feel very uncomfortable in my own skin. trying to shake it and go cold turkey on these feelings - trying to make the best out of this waking life im currently living. Rain is heavier in Hawaii it falls more romantically and with more urgency because it is so unwelcome - walked through it anways. with a head full of drunk i let the pacific wash over me in the early morning hours before the respectable people awoke...i think i remember being baptized now. trying to find that light still - because i need something to awaken me right now - help
Sunday, March 12, 2006
its been too long
My adventures in LA proved to be fruitful and everytime I am there I can't help but feel as though I am home. There is something about that feeling that makes me comfortable. I'm not sure if its my desire to be living there or if I am supposed to be there, but either way I choose not to disagree with my feeling. Met John Leguizamo breifly in Santa Monica...even though it was a celebrity sighting, it felt inappropriate to make a big deal out of...and its john leguizamo aka luigi mario.
While there was interviewed for a documentary about the 3rd anniversary of the war in Iraq and was followed around by two men with cameras and a third with a notepad, assuming they believed me to be a celebrity of some form...not sure who...elijah woods? i say that only because i was hanging out with my wizard friend so naturally they assumed me to be a hobbit or a hobo...either way i was eating out of the trash.
Will post more of writings in LA as soon as i recover from the observation of St. Patricks day...it was a cruel mess of a woman that gripped hold of my yesterday and into the early evening...the foul mistress grabbed me by the lapels and made me drink until my eyes were glazed like the coast of Cork...my inner irish and inner sobriety had a good go at one another and its enough to say that my sobriety lost that battle something fierce, many a braincell were lost and memories took a huge beating as well...some fuzzy things come back...man in broadday light wearing a towel, young girls asking me if i was Corey Kloos to which i replied "i used to be until this goddamn beast took hold of me"...they were unamused or frightened...spoke to several family members, not sure what was said or if i made sense...probably did not, thank god i was in my neck of the woods, could have been awful...